The daily log of Andrew D Pilat for Sunday, May 16, 2021

Renewal

Daily Note

4/24/21- Putting this here for later: It's funny how things come full circle. How many years have I been at this? A lot. I've always approached summer's the exact. same. way. Except the one. In the summer of 2017 I was entering my senior year of high-school. I had nothing going into that summer except a chip on my shoulder, and determination. I basically did everything I could. 2 long runs a week, 3 workouts (a progression, tempo run, fartlek) with some recovery built in as well. I also did lifting, a ton of drills, and some good warm-up stuff. In hindsight I used to believe all the drills, lifting, and core every day was too much (and some days it was) but a lot of that extra stuff + all of the threshold work that summer made me a better runner. Earlier this season I legitimately thought about quitting running competitively as it was taking a toll on my mental health and well-being. I kind of bounced back and forth for awhile between going all in, and not going all in. Because mentally I know I can't go in with the same intensity as I have before, and putting a lot of my self-worth into this is just a horrible idea. I thought maybe I would just do a normal amount of mileage and training for the rest of college and live in contentment with the idea of never making it. All of this is so black/white thinking. I want to approach training as job-like as I can this summer. I'm not doing this with all of my heart and all of the emotion. I'm going to get all of my shit done, and do it well, and then I'm going to not think about running the rest of the day until I do it again. The truth is I still want to "make it", I could never lie and say I didn't. Anybody who says they don't want to run fast is a liar. It feels good to validate the work you've been doing, and races help show ourselves that we're made of the right stuff. I want to be better about logging this summer. Whenever I go through depressive episodes I lose a lot of my self-accountability, and logging is one of the first things to go. I need to keep an accurate day to day account of what I'm doing. I have a list in my phone of how to have a good summer, so I'm not going to list all of the things I'm going to incorporate here (the logs of the future will show if I actually do it), but I'm ready to make the next leap. I have a huge base which is going to help. I'm going to end this log by saying that this year, I felt a lot like I did in high-school at times. When I was in high-school I always knew at heart I was a 15 flat guy for 3 mile. When I was running 16:00+ every meet I had a lot of people tell me to be happy with my times, and to be content.... and that I did well! But the problem with that is I always knew what I was capable of. I never got the satisfaction until my final senior season, and it felt incredible. I always knew what I was made of, and I had proved to myself that I was right. A lot this season I had felt that I was ready to run 14:20-14:30 for the 5K. It was a realistic goal in my mind. But after running a few sub 15 5K's I was told that I should be happy with 14:43 and that I had ran well. That left me feeling the same way as I had in high-school. So to that, I say this summer I will revert and renew the attitude that I had once more while looking to the future. I won't get too emotionally involved in running this season, but I think this will be the best training block that I have while also having a lot of fun outside this summer. I'll come back to this later too.... don't know what the rest of my outdoor season looks like, but I'll try to finish it the best that I can

Comments