The daily log of Andrew D Pilat for Sunday, May 02, 2021

mental death

Run

: 13.50 Mile(s) : 01:40:00 : 00:07:24.44 /mile : sunny barefoot turf doubles : 0.0

Daily Note

month ago felt a lot different, feeling mentally drained. Hasn't been a good year so far and just wanting a restart. I wouldn't call this mental burnout nor physical burnout. The truth is I've had an unhealthy balance with several things in my life, and running is one of the worst. I don't despise it, but haven't really felt the love and excitement. For awhile I thought it was the death of the dream but I genuinely think that's an asinine idea. I think mental health is rarely talked about with runners. You just see times and places from meets put down on results each week. Mentally I feel like I would be torn down, then kind of build back, and then get torn down again. Eventually, I have reached the point where I just simply do not care. The stress of school, added on with consistently being far off the goals I had for myself, combined with several nagging injuries that I've had this whole year have just killed the drive. I still have one race left, a 10K at conference but I feel like no drive or excitement to run it. I know when I get to it I'll give it all I have for the sake of being depended on. That is the only reason I'm running that race. No personal ambition, no glory; just for the team. Right now, I just want to go home. I want to drink from the shitty coffee pot. I don't feel fit, and right now I really don't want it that much. Still giving it all on the final race, but not quite sure where that outcome is going to be.

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